A while back while sitting at the hair dresser, and completely out of the blue, I had a seizure, well what the "experts" say was a seizure. I think it was probably fainting! They never found anything wrong with me! So last Sunday I was standing in the choir and we were singing There is Power in the Blood and all of a sudden I got really dizzy and light headed. I really thought I was going to pass out. So quickly I made a choice to leave the choir in the middle of the song. I would rather be embarrassed by leaving the choir rather than falling out in the choir loft, which I would die if that ever happened!!! So this morning before church I was a little nervous about singing again. I tried hard not to think about it. But half way through being up there I started to feel light headed and dizzy again. My heart started beating a mile a minute, my legs were shaking and I could not make them stop! So I started praying! I did not want to leave two weeks in a row, so I told myself nothing happened last week, it wouldn't happen this week. We started to sing the choir special and in part of the song it talked about how Jesus takes away our fear. I knew then that God was going to get me through, but I was still shaking and my heart still felt like it was going to beat out of my chest! I kept looking at Lisa (our choir director) and smiling and trying to focus on the words of the song! I have never felt fear like that! Not fear of being up there but fear that I was going to pass out or have a seizure up there! I have never had a panic attack before but that is what it felt like. My dad and my sister both have panic attacks. My dads fear is talking in front of people, my sister's is elevator's. She cannot ride on one! I always thought they could get passed their fear if they just tried and put their mind to it! But after this morning I believe it is real! I am not one to give into my fear, and I will fight this and not give into it, but for the first time I believe fears can effect you in a very real way! But I do know that "God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love sound mind and power..."
I am so thankful for His peace that got me through that whole episode this morning! I so want to worship Him this Ressurection Sunday without any fear! Since being in choir I found such freedom in worship! I love to worship my Savior! He is so worthy!
Julie's Running Journey!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
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